Domestic and Dating Violence

What is Domestic and Dating Violence?

Domestic and dating violence (also called relationship violence or intimate partner violence) is emotional, verbal, sexual, and/or physical abuse inflicted on a dating, domestic, or intimate partner to gain power or control.

Dating violence is violence committed by a person who is or has been in a social relationship of a romantic or intimate nature with the complainant. The term “domestic violence” includes felony or misdemeanor crimes of violence committed by

• A current or former spouse of the complainant
• A person with whom the complainant shares a child in common
• A person who is cohabiting with
• has cohabited with the complainant as a spouse
• A person similarly situated to a spouse of the complainant under the domestic or family violence laws of California
• Any other person against an adult or youth complainant who is protected from that person’s acts under the domestic or family violence laws of the jurisdiction.

Behaviors to Look for in A Violent Relationship

Question relationships with a partner who:

• Abuses alcohol or other drugs.
• Has a history of trouble with the law, gets into fights, breaks and destroys property.
• Chooses not to work or go to school.
• Blames you for how they treat you, or for anything bad that happens.
• Puts down people, including your family and friends, or calls them names. This can be to their face or behind their back.
• Is always angry with someone or at something.
• Tries to isolate you and control whom you see or where you go.
• Nags you, guilts you, pressures you, or forces you to be sexual when you don’t want to be.
• Cheats on you.
• Is physically rough with you in ways that you don’t like (push, shove, pull, yank, squeeze, restrain, etc.).
• Takes your money, makes you pay for everything, or runs up bills on your credit.
• Accuses you of flirting or “coming on” to others, or accuses you of cheating on them.
• Doesn’t listen to you or show interest in your opinions or feelings; things have to be done their way.
• Ignores you, gives you the silent treatment, or hangs up on you.
• Lies to you, doesn’t show up for dates, or disappears for days without contact.
• Makes vulgar comments about others in your presence or about you to others.
• Blames all arguments and problems on you.
• Tells you how to dress or act.
• Threatens suicide if you break up with them, or tells you that they cannot live without you.
• Experiences extreme mood swings, tells you you’re great one minute and rips you apart the next minute.
• Tells you to shut up or tells you you’re dumb, stupid, fat, or calls you some other name (directly or indirectly).
• Compares you (negatively) to former partners.

You may be in an abusive relationship if you:

• Feel afraid to break up with your partner.
• Feel tied down or like you have to check-in.
• Feel afraid to make decisions or bring up certain subjects because your partner might get mad.
• Tell yourself that if you just try harder and love your partner enough that everything will be fine.
• Blame yourself for not being good enough.
• Find yourself crying a lot, being depressed or unhappy.
• Find yourself worrying and obsessing about how to please your partner and keep them happy.
• Find the physical or emotional abuse getting worse.

*Adapted from The Red Flag Campaign.